Confessions of a Side Chick,, at least that's what it feels like.....

Now,, before you judge me I don't mean the kind of side chick like I was with Basketball and Old Man. I guess you can say there's this new age version of side chick that's totally different from "dating" a married man.

This new kind of side chick is still the chick that is temporary,, but she plays temp to a single man that keeps her around until he finds the one HE wants to give his heart,, time,, and loyalty to. I must admit I'm not sure if this particular version of "side chick" is me,, but there are many times I feel like SHE is ME.

I met this cutie a little over a year ago on a social networking site. We completely hit it off. He was so sweet and I just LOVED his accent. Our conversation was nonstop and he made me feel like he actually cared about my day When he asked " how was your day?" or "How's work going?". I had never had anyone ask me something so simple,, and because I had never had that happen I was feeling him more and more.
We'd been talking a couple of months and the question of us finally meeting came up. Of course I was excited, I had actually been ready to meet him face to face after the first couple of weeks of talking.

We make plans for me to come to him (he lives about 500 miles away) it was cool with me cause I actually preferred coming to him. I drive 7hrs and finally the day and time have come for us to see each other. I'm nervous as hell ,, cause honestly I don't even think I'm pretty enough for a guy as cute and just all around attractive as he is. But he takes one look at me smiles and gives me one of the best hugs I had ever had! His strong arms wrapped around me,, slightly lifting my heavy ass off the ground. He just holds me for a few minutes.

I'm just taking it all in: his hair color,, his eyes,, the way he feels,, his scent.........everything little thing about him. I couldn't help but smile to myself. I couldn't help but think that I was actually pretty enough and good enough for him. He finally releases me,, grabs my bags and leads me into his house.

That first visit didn't go too well after one night together and a disagreement I ended up packing my bags and going back home. We didn't talk for a few days after that,, maybe a text here or there but nothing like it was before. Honestly I didn't think things would go back to how they were,, but to my surprise they did.

Time passes and we have a bond closer than ever,, we've even taken some trips out to see each other,, but like always when I think things are good between us,, something goes wrong. This go around....it was something I just wasn't expecting. I'll admit this particular incident still bothers me and it really makes me feel like I should've left a long time ago,, but yet I'm still here.....

New Year ,, New Me???? Nah ..... just New Year

Happy New Year!!!!!!


2014 has come and gone and I can't say that too much has changed. I mean not too much has changed in a positive way. I'm still the black sheep,, but it doesn't really bother me. I just play my role when necessary so my "family" can save face for those they actually think care about our functionality. Financially,, things are better and worse at the same time. Worse because I've made some extremely stupid and terrible mistakes,, but better cause I know not to even THINK to do that shit again.

Me and my new friend have made it past the one year mark (come to think of it I don't think I told y'all about him,, let alone named him.....) I'll have to back track and tell you about the shit he and I have gone thru in another post. Just thinking about it makes me hang my head a little cause some of the stuff is just plain ole ridiculous.

Hmmmmm,, what else?????? I'm happier now that my sister has moved out of state. I don't feel so "judged" by my family now that she has moved away. We were never really close so I wasn't all that broke up about it when her final box made it's way to the trunk of her car. Sounds bad,, I know. But, I would rather be honest about it than to pretend like everything is all hunky doory. I mean let's face the facts we've never been close and New Years doesn't exactly erase any problems or conflicts you have. If anything New Year's makes you more aware of your problems and conflicts. Think about it..... another fucking year has come and gone and shit is still fucked up.......

Still clocking in at a job that I hate,, but thankful I have one at the same time. Well I take that back. I don't really hate the job so much ,, just the people. One person in particular..... Debbie Downer aka Nancy Negative aka Connie the Complainer. I think you get the gist. This bitch is never HAPPY! I've never met someone who turn almost everything into a negative. You could come in and say "hey guys I gotta a new car!" her retort would be something like "now you have to spend more money on gas and then you won't be able to pay your bills .... then you'll lose your house and be homeless,, then die." Seriously she's really like that and I hate to even see her shit in the work place because it makes me more aware that she's there.... Ugh come to think of it I gotta see this bitch tomorrow....... SHIT!!!!!!!!

well I gotta cut this one of cause my sweet little crumb snatcher wants to play Disney Jr.

I be back soon!!!! Promise!!!!!!

Sex, Lies, and STD's

Bare with me cause I'm doing this from my phone .....

Things got really interesting when I honestly made the decision to leave basketball alone..... I'm on a road trip headed out to see my new boo and I get a phone call; it's none other than basketball asking me where I was cause he really wanted to see me and to talk. I told him I was out of town and he proceeded to pry for information.

Him: oh you with your family?
Me: no
Him: you going to visit family?
Me: NO
Him: Oh. You must be going to see a nigga then....
Me: Why does who I'm going to matter? That should be the least of your worries...
Him: Shiiiiitttt why you gotta attitude. I was trying to tell you some good news
Me: What's the "good" news?
Him: We can be together for real now.......I got a divorce!


Now Basketball and I hadn't talked in over 6months,, so did he really think I was sitting around waiting on him to call and tell me that and I was going to jump for joy and run straight into his arms??????? Sadly,, I think he did.

Of course I asked "what happened" and here's what he said: "maaan I caught her cheating on me!" **of course my face was like o_O** "she caught something and tried to put it off on me,, but when I went to get tested I came out clean,, not too mention we hadn't had sex in over 3months. So I just flat out asked her  what she had been doing and she broke down and told me that she had been sleeping with some dude...." I was in total shock and I was thanking the Lord above that I had stopped fooling with him when I did.... I mean think about it....If his wife was screwing this random nigga,, who was sleeping with whoever he wanted and not using anything with them or her,, she go home and screw Basketball and then he gets the green light to come screw me... we ALL would've been fucked up!!!!!!!!! 

But I did have to tell him he couldn't be too mad because he was soing the same thing to her before he met me and when he met me,, he just didn't get caught. He then went on this big spill about how he didn't have any respect for her because she a hoe now and all this other bull.....his ego was just severely bruised. After getting that story I just told him that I had moved on and I wasn't trying to go back down that route with him. Plus,, Basketball ain't got shit going for himself......just got a cell phone,, no car,, no place to stay for real. He just wasn't trying to move ahead in life. It's like he's perfectly content with being a bum and i just don't have time for that. 

He did seem a bit salty when I told I had moved on and I really was feeling this new guy. He just kept pushing "when you get back in town come see me,, I really just want to be with you." I just said okay and proceeded to see my new boo ( I gotta tell yall about that!!!!!! ooooh weeee!!!!) 

Needless to say He didn't even give me a chance to call when I got home,, he was blowing up my phone pretty much the whole day. I never went to see him tho. I think by now he's gotten the picture because I haven't heard from him. But, that doesn't mean he won't pop up out the blue again and try to "seduce me again....Ha!! Seduce me.....that's funny.

Well, well, well....looky looky!

Man oh man I have been gone a minute huh? So much has happened to me I don't even know where to begin.....

 In a nutshell,, I met someone,, I'm finally over Basketball,, Trouble and I still kinda hang out......well I wouldn't say "hang out" we still bang from time to time. But, not as much as before. Basketball got a divorce. My sister is getting married! I think I kinda want to have sex with one of my co-workers. I had a threesome......Ummmmmm wow there are so many things I need to get out !!!!! Ugh!!!! why have i stayed away so long??????

Anyway, I had to go back thru my posts just to see where I left off at.... and let me just say shit got real REAL fast. So the last thing I talked about was almost getting Pregnant by Basketball. Well after that I just slowly started distancing myself from him. To filter out my time I started to get close with a friend of my cousin,, but in the end he rebuffed my affection so I was back to square one.....alone with literally no one to talk to. My best friend was all boo'd up so she was M.I.A. for sure and I was just......niggaless. 

I met a few "2 pump Johnny's" but no one really had any substance so conversation didn't last long. After being fired **yeah I got fired from my last job,, not sure if I told ya'll or not** I found another job; so I got a clean slate as far sleeping with my co-workers. But that slate didn't stay clean for long. I met a construction worker and he and I got a little too flirty.....let's just say we got caught making out in the bathroom **shrugs** I talked to him for a little while after that incident but all he wanted was sex and I just wasn't down for that,, plus he was living with his baby momma.

Over time at my job me and one co-worker in particular have gotten extremely close... we can talk to each other about anything... we text every single day. I'm not attracted to him in any way but I am curious about "what that mouth do".

Moving along,, after my fling with the construction dude I was back niggaless,, so reluctantly I went back to online dating.....that's where I met the couple I ended up having threesome with. I'll say it was ok,, I don't get what the hype is about it. Nevertheless it was something to do. fortunately it didn't last long.... the guy really started to bug the hell out of me and wanted me to come over when his girl wasn't there. I wasn't falling for that trap tho. I quickly shut that down but I got even luckier with that whole situation... they ended up moving out of state. I still here from the dude every now then asking me to come visit. 

So now I'm back to square one again and I'm lonely as hell!!!!! What happens to  make me even more lonely??????????? My freaking sister gets engaged!!!!!!! SO NOW I'm the single sister,, not just "the one that has the baby". Don't get me wrong...... I'm happy for her and all but now I just feel even more pathetic. I was the one between the two of us that always had a man or was always talking to somebody and she was the single one,, now the roles have been reversed and quite frankly I don't like it... 

Nigga, you owe me $43.56!!!

The "morning after pill" is my first and last purchase when it comes to that caught up in the moment talk during sex.

 I am serious when I say I am done fooling around with Basketball (even though he gives good head).......




The above is the last thing I wrote about 6-7months ago, and folks I can honestly say I left Basketball after that. The night We had that "baby scare" was the last time I allowed myself to be in contact with him.
The last time I heard anything about him I heard him and his wife got a divorce,  he has no car, and no cell phone..... so in a nutshell this nigga is doing bad.

I won't say my life has been on the up and up since our last encounter, but there have been a series of events. Both fortunate and unfortunate..... I will return more often to catch you guys back up.

Snapped!

I know I have been gone for a minute and so much has happened to me and my unfortunate pathetic little life.  I will say this though I've had alot (good and bad) going on... But any way let's get you guys caught up...........



SOOOOOOOOO the tension between me and my sister has finally boiled over,, and it resulted in not just a very heated argument, but an actual ghetto rachet fist fight........ and it all went down in front of my 2yr old!( well now she's 3, damn I let too much time pass, sorry y'all)
 The day started off regular, even good (dare I say) but as the day progressed and my sister and I grew tired of each others presence the attitudes began to wake from their slumber and slowly but surely make their way to the surface.  She came to the house with her little boyfriend which I will call Slave (cause that's how she treats him,, like a fuckin slave. But anyway....) We are all just chumming it up and talking my daughter is having the time of her little life cause all is hunky doory in the land of Oz. But then my sister began to make little snide comments on the sly about me and my short-comings.

*let me give you alittle background on me.. you see, I do not possess a good cleaning gene. Don't get me wrong I can clean up and keep things clean, but I don't have a little maid in me that has to clean ALL the time. Now my sister on the other hand she is a Molly Maid to the core, she will clean all day long and not see any problem with it.*

So she starts talking about how I don't clean like she does and that's the reason why I'm single and can't go out like I want to; and all this other bullshit. Now me being the person that I am, I'm really not giving her the reaction that she wants so she decides to just flat out dog me out.

My "sister" proceeds to basically call me a bad mother and says shit like "you don't have anybody" "you need me...I don't need you"....  Now deep down she's really hurting my feelings but I still don't say anything, which is bothering her even more. As I continue to just look at her as she dogs me out.... she jumps at me like she's gonna slap me or some shit. So I say "Oh! Since you're not getting to me, you gonna hit me?" That sends her off the edge and she reaches in and slaps me!!!!!!! I instantly BLACK OUT and just start throwing punches. I say we fought for a good 5 mins before my mom and Slave were able to pull us apart. But once I snap back into reality I hear my baby calling me.

I was so ashamed of myself and even more pissed at my sister because this all went down in front of my sweet baby girl. Once I calm myself down and try to get to my daughter I hear my sister say something along the lines of "I heard my knee cap crunch." Long story short with that she fractured her knee and ended up requiring surgery and getting 6 screws in her knee.

Now do I regret fighting like that with my sister???.......... Sorta. That fight between us was years of pent up tension that finally got released. I regret things happening in front of my baby though. I wish I could've shown more restraint for her sake.....

It happened....

It finally happened... Basketball and I finally did "it" and by "it" I mean we had sex....


For the most part it was ok, we couldn't really get down like we wanted to, but overall it was pretty good. Now was it worth the wait and all that flirting and sexual tension????? The jury is still out on that one. But I will give him credit.....he does give really good head.

To be honest I don't know what else o say about our encounter,, I mean I still love him and a part of me still wonders about what life would be like if we could actually be together, but now just add the fact that we had sex to the equation. I do think on his part he wants to have sex more often because he did say he wanted more, but I don't think I want to.....

I don't know what's gonna happen but we'll see....