Thinking More Clearly...I Think

I know Basketball and I promised that we would not have anymore "sessions".....well we broke our exclusive pinky promise and did it again. I feel like the reason this happened is because he's mad at his wife. He says he's pissed because she's unappreciative and dogs him all the time. He even went as far to say he thinks that they should separate for a while.

Before anyone can pass judgement on me, let me just say that I only listened. I never once voluntarily gave my opinion. I only said something when he asked me and I also told him that with her being pregnant and all, this is the wrong time to use the "we need to separate" card. He listened to me, but he had made up in his mind that he was not gonna go home for the next 3 days; I told him that was wrong too. You can't get mad and then run away...especially when your little girl gets here. You have to stay put even if the wife is on your last nerve.


 I will admit, after this "session" I felt different. I can't quite explain why or what it was; I just didn't feel right. Maybe it was the slight twinge of jealousy, guilt, hurt, sadness, and longing that made me feel different.  All I know is if I keep carrying on like this I will be alone forever and my daughter will follow in my footsteps.
 Also, I began to wonder if me and Basketball could be together would things be all hunky-doory in the land of Oz..... It's one thing to want someone and you can't have them, constantly believing the illusions of grandeur, and to actually be able to be with that person and see that everything that glitters ain't gold. I guess a part of me wants to be with him and another part of me knows, is trying to convince me, that we are better off as friends because we wouldn't do all that great together.


You know, the crazy part about this whole Basketball thing.... the part I think has both of us constantly coming back???? I honestly think that Basketball may love me and I may love him. I'm not sure, but that's what I think. However, I DO know that I could be TOTALLY wrong and that hormones and curiosity may be what has us coming back; OR it could be a mixture of it all! I just know at this point I'm tired of going back and forth and I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of getting my feelings hurt and jeopardizing my permanent happiness for temporary satisfaction. Stealing away for a lust filled moment only to have to walk away with wet panties and no orgasm *Sigh*


We made a promise again to not go back to the stairwell, and after this revelation.....I intend to keep my promise.