So Old Man wants to start back fooling around,, but here's the catch this go around...even though he's married, if we start back talking I can't get involved with anybody (meaning no Sexy Mexi and no Basketball), and if I happen to meet my potential future husband I have to tell him to kick rocks because Old Man said I can't talk to anyone what kinda shit is that??????. How is this even remotely fair to me???? Yes yes I know it's not fair to his wife, but we aren't talking about her; we're talking about me!!!!!! Also, I don't feel like being bothered with him. I'm slowly but surely getting Basketball out of my system I don't need him coming in trying to be my daddy controlling me and shit. I think he thinks he can make me fall for him the way he fell for me, but that shit ain't gonna happen.
At one point, Old Man was cool but he fucked everything up when he told me he was in love with me. It totally made me look at him a different light. On top of that when I broke ties with him he was mad because of the reason I told him the shit had to stop....the reason was blatantly obvious.....IT WAS WRONG!!!!!!!! He was severely pissed about it and he still is now. I can't have a general conversation with him without him bringing it up.
The whole set-up with me and him wasn't all that great either. He left too many holes for people to find out about us. For instance, he always wanted me to come see him......in HIS department! What the HELL!!! So you want me to tra-la-la down to your area and people look at me like "Look at that jezebel fooling around that married man! Hmph!". I'm sorry but I don't want people all in my business like that. Not to mention the fact that either way no one is gonna look at him different, whisper when he walks by, call him a whore, or any of that. All of that is going to happen to me. But, him calling me to his department wasn't it. When he wanted to fuck, it wasn't "Let's go get a room" it was "Meet me at my truck" and this nigga wouldn't even have the decency to leave the parking lot where our co-workers parked! He would just wait them out!!!!!
I think back now and I want to kick myself for even getting involved with him. I was just starved for some type of attention from the opposite sex, that I just settled for what was in front of me. I was so starved that I slept with him even though I really didn't want to. I pretended to be into to him just for the attention. Now this negro is in love with me and I have yet to tell him that the feeling is not mutual. He says he fell in love way before we ever even fucked. So, when the time did come for us to sex it up he was already in love, and in his EXACT words he told me, "I wasn't fucking you JUST to be fucking you. I was fucking you with feelings, I fucked you with REAL emotion, Barbie. I love you and while I was fucking you, I fell IN love with you."
Can you really FUCK with FEELINGS????? I have never heard of fucking with feelings or emotions, have you??? In my book, fucking was me laying there waiting for things to be over so I could go by McDonald's and get a strawberry shake and a medium fry, not genuinely feeling something for him and saying some shit like "OMG I LOVE HIM!!!! And his stroke let's me know that he LOVES me!''. But, apparently things were interpreted a little different with him. I really don't get how that chick pea sized brain in that peanut head of his works. I'm so confused and irritated when it comes to him I could spit!
How do you get rid of a gnat that won't go and find someone else to buzz around??? I really try to get rid of him and STAY rid of him but he keeps coming back like a bad rash. Then to make matters worse he claims he's in love. I constantly find myself wondering and questioning where does his wife sit in his life???? Is she on a pedestal while he tries to hold me in his arms? Is it vice versa? does she even have a place? Has she given up on him and they are just playing the part for their son? Whatever it is when it comes to him and her I want to know. True, it may not be my business but I still want to know. He shuts down when I ask him; he changes the subject or says something like "why does she matter to you?, That's my wife!" Well damn!!!
Honestly though, I think I'm over the whole attention thing. I want him to get the picture, call Two Men And A Truck and move completely out of my life. I want things to be how they were when I told him what we were doing was wrong, he went the fuck off on me and then proceeded to act as if I didn't exist. But because he was 'in love' and he saw me and Basketball getting close he weaseled his way back in. Now he's trying to piss on me like I'm his favorite tree at the park! Really I need to figure out how to shake him because he won't leave . Not too long ago, I was trying to get off the elevator at work and he blocked me in questioning me about why I didn't call him back the other day. Then he proceeded to try to kiss me on the elevator!!! Ummm no sir!!! Back yo ass up!!! It's not even that kinda party....
All I can say is that I have my hands full when it comes to him and his "I fuck you with real feelings" bullshit. I just want to get rid of his ass and continue on with my little pathetic life. *sigh*
If only I knew all of this before, I would've NEVER allowed myself to give in and fall into this endless pit of wrong...
Well sometimes our need for companionship makes us do stupid things, but you gotta tell this married dude that it was all for fun, and you are moving on whether he likes it or not, no need for pleasantries when you see him, avoid him, delete his number and be as strictly professional with him at all cost, because unless you prove to him 110% that shit isnt going to happen anymore, he would not get the picture, if all these fail, you could just tell him that you stopped fucking with him because he was a Horrible lay, trust me, Men get offended and would back off when a comment like that gets thrown at them.
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