We Can't Seem To Let Go

I haven't seen Basketball since the day I got my feelings hurt. So imagine my surprise today when I run into him in the hallway. We greet each other and have a little small talk. Unfortunately, in the midst of our little impromptu meeting he did share some bad news with me...he lost his grandmother this past weekend :o(.
I asked him if he was ok and if he wanted to talk about it, he just said he would catch up with me later.


Later comes and I get a phone call and he was just really sad sounding on the phone. Because I genuinely feel bad I ask him to come and see me so we could talk face to face. I meet him at one of our favorite spots (not the stairwell)  and we talk. After a few minutes of random talk he tells me he really didn't want to talk about his grandmother he just wanted to see me.


We hang out for a little while longer before he says he has to get back to work, and then we make our way to our favorite spot..........THE STAIRWELL. We talk there for a few more minutes and right before we go our separate ways I give him a hug. (It was a "Sorry about your loss" type of hug, not a "I want to feel your body" type of hug). As we are pulling apart to seriously go our separate ways, he pulls me in and gives me the deepest most passionate kiss ever! We go at it non-stop for about 10-15min, only stopping here and there to look into to each others eyes. It was like a scene out of The Notebook. NO, it was more like that scene in Hustle & Flow when Terrence Howard went back to kiss Taraji P. Henson, it was one of those kind of kisses. 
Then, he whispers in my ear "When can I get it?" and I respond "Whenever you want it..." I know I was an idiot for saying that, but I'm not gonna lie, I DID want IT!!!!! All I wanted really was to just fuck him and get it over with. I wanted to get rid of the sexual tension that has been there since we met. I even suggested waaaay before he and his wife decided to stay together and get pregnant that we go ahead and get it out of the way shameless I know and he just said we couldn't because once we started fucking we wouldn't stop. It would be a continuous cycle of fucking until we slipped up, and we definitely didn't want that to happen.


Ok, where was was I??? Oh yeah, my dum dum answer "whenever you want it" ... he then says "If we fucked I KNOW I would nut in you and I don't want to put you or her (the wife) in any kind of situation, but damn I want to fuck you". In my head I'm saying I wanna fuck you too!!!!!! Come on let's do it right here right now!! How do you want it?????? 


He begins to walk off but he comes back and says "I know we said no more of this the last time and we both went back on our word, let's really swear this is it. We have to stop." He holds out his pinky (motioning for me to make a pinky promise). We link our pinkies (I know its lame) and we kiss one last time.


I will honestly say that I was really trying to keep my word when it came to Basketball and "The Sessions". I avoided him just so we wouldn't want to try to be alone. I really did put forth a conscience effort to stay away from him. But, now that we have made the "No More Sessions" declaration again I am going to keep my word this time.....SERIOUSLY I am.


 I have moments of clarity when I do realize that my actions, when it comes to Basketball, affect the things that are going on in my life (i.e. still being single) and my actions have the potential to affect my daughter and how she grows up and how she may act when she's older. I'm really trying to make good decisions but I let my body and heart take over my mind more than I should...