September 16, 2012

Trust Me, I'm A Doctor.....

Are women still ashamed to talk about or admit they give head????

Honestly, I do talk about it, more so with Bestie, but I really don't talk about it a whole lot. The only reason I'm bringing it up now is because it seems as if that's my sexual specialty. I won't say I DON'T like giving head, because I really don't mind.....unless the dick looks a little disturbing....(you know, not every dude has a "lights on" piece,, some of them when you see it, you change your mind about everything. You lose all interest in sex and in that person. Either that, or you really only wanted that person just for plain ol' sex with no oral or maybe one-sided know when you're the only person getting something out of it...) But anyway, that's another post for another day....

Now, back to what I was saying, giving head seems to be my sexual specialty. Now let me state my disclaimer on this. I don't just go aroung sucking every dick in front of me, I'm more of a..... if you give you will receive type of...hmmm ...head doctor, nah that sounds too raunchy......How about Doctor of Headology or expert Headologist. Ooh ooh Dean of Dome! You know what I'm trying to say. For those who have been lucky enough to experience my talents....they have given me rave reviews on my head game. In fact, I think head is one reason why Sexy Mexi is still around, because all conversations with him lead to it Hmmmmmmm *ponders this for a moment* 

I'm not saying that head has been what's been keeping some of the dudes that I talk about around. I'm just saying that it's something that keeps them sexually intrigued. Sometimes I wonder if this is a craft I should perfect, not for random dudes, but for THE dude for me???

I will admit that Decent is the one who taught me how to do it right, in fact he taught me everything about sex, before him I knew absolutely NOTHING! Decent is the one who told all the things to do as far as pleasing such a sensitive area. But anyway, ultimately I'm not sure about how I feel about this revelation.... In some ways I feel good, ya know, like....I could be a porn star with this type of talent. In other ways I feel ashamed, like people including the guys probably think I'm a promiscuous whore.... which is totally not the case. 

But anyway, I guess that's it for now.........

September 5, 2012

Alone in the World Without a Sweater

As the days creep closer to the anniversary of Decent's death, I feel so alone and sad. I keep having these "if he made it would life be like this?" dreams. Which in turn only place more emphasis on the fact that he's gone and I'm here still somewhat in the same place I was in on the day I lost him.

He wasn't the greatest guy, but he was MY guy. He didn't do right all the time, but I know leading up to his death he was really trying to be better; he was trying to show me and those around us that he did deserve me. But, sadly it was too late. I have so many dreams about him and how I feel like my life would be if he was still around. I can say FOR SURE that there would be no Basketball, Sexy Mexi, Fishy, Old Man (for damn sure), and no Rush crowding the pages of my life.

I think the thing that I hate the most about his passing( besides him actually passing) is the fact that the loose ends as far as the females he talked to (when we were together and separated....I know how that sounds) weren't tied up....
When other females mention him it, to me, seems like they are trying to say he was with them more, he meant more to he cared for and loved them more than me.

When he died at his funeral, I "met" 3 other "girlfriends" and "so in love exes" which made his death all the more painful. To be pregnant and to hear all these claims on him and him not being there to shut them down if they were false or explain if they were true.

All I know is that I miss him so much.... I wish my daughter could know him. I really want to see how they would have interacted together, you know, see her give her little hugs and kisses to him or even just see them have a conversation. I wanted to see him asleep with her laying on his chest or jumping on the bed to wake him up in the morning. I'm not saying I couldn't have this later on down the line when I meet somebody worth actually getting to know. I just wanted all of this with him.

Now I'm by myself trying to find the starting point for starting over. Starting, life love and happiness all over again......