Love Isn't For Me It Seems....

Every time I meet a guy it just fizzles before it can even begin. It's like a continuous cycle or something. I meet a guy...think I'm going to see or hear from him again....and then **poof** he's gone like he never even existed!!!! The killing part about it all is that the guys approach me!!!!! It's not like I'm chasing them around with pick-up lines in tow to woo them in. I just don't get it?!!?!?!?!  For example,, I met a cutie the other night at a local bar. He approached me gave me his number and took me to my car afterwards,, he texted me to make sure I made it some safe and BOOM-he's gone!!! I haven't heard from him since,, and I know it's not something I said...'cause hell the only thing I did say was: yes I made it home, thanks for checking on me, talk to you later. Did I use too many commas or something????? What did I do to make him approach and then just walk away???? Maybe he has a girl or something.....I don't know, but if that's the case,, why even bother me????

I guess I feel this way because I am sooooo tired of being alone, and I know I know God will send the right one in due time, but can I least get a date Lord???? Dinner, a movie, something???? It seems like any guy that I meet, I feel that I can at least have a decent friendship with them, but they don't ever come back around. Could it be that because I have a child they think I want thim to be a daddy to her?? If that's the case that's totally wrong, but I feel like I shouldn't have to come with a disclaimer on my forehead saying: Even though her father is dead, she still has one..so no need to feel like she's gonna want to call you "daddy" any time soon...

Honestly I really don't like to have to tell guys my situation, I'd rather we leave it at "oh you have a daughter?" instead of "oh you have a daughter,, so is her dad in the picture?" I think that's the problem with a lot of guys these days; they feel like if a girl has a child and she is not with the father, then that girl is going to expect them to take up the slack for what the biological dad isn't doing. Now, I'm not saying there aren't females out there like that...because there are...I'm saying in particular that I'm not like that. The KILLING part about it all is the ones that are looking for a substitute father are the ones getting the dudes!!!! Now along with that statement I do know that some of these dudes are worse than the dad themselves, but still these bitches STILL pulling dudes.

I was told by Rush that maybe it's my demeanor, he says I tend to have a "what this nigga want? " look on my face when dudes talk to me. He says I look intimidating. I will tell ya'll just like I told him, "that's just how I look, I don't do it intetionally, that's just my normal facial expression, you know when I'm off to myself...they would think I was crazy if I walked around smiling for no reason!" I did take heed to what Rush was saying and made a conscious effort to try to "soften"  my look but then I felt like I was trying to hard to BE approachable.

I tell you what the way that things have been going for the past 2 going on 3yrs I am really starting to think that love and relationships aren't for me any more...it seems as if all of that died along with Decent.......
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Anyway let me stop writing about this cause I'm about to get irritated and when I get irritated my head itches and that 's bad business when you have a 3month old sew-in.........

eh!

-my computer died, but my new one came last week,, still trying to get used to it....it's got that Windows 8 shit on it....

-I got to take a little weekend getaway and see New Guy I was surprised my folks kept my daughter, but I didn't hang around trying to find out why they had a change of heart; I got the hell on out while I could.

-Online Success dude is trying to come back, but I think it's because he wants sex and I just don't want to deal with him on that level anymore...

-Still sexing it up with Rush

-I got a job offer but the pay is shit... I had another interview with a different place,, I'm hoping they call me back with some good news,, if not I'll formally accept the other one. I just hate I will still be in a financial hole. But I do realize that LOW pay is better than NO pay.

-I met another guy at a local spot he seems pretty cool,, but I don't know....we'll see

- School is kicking my ass!!!!! Ugh!!!! :o(




******A real more in depth post is coming soon,, I just gotta get caught up on this school shit first....I won't be gone long.......I promise!!!!