March 12, 2015

Confessions of a SIde Chick (continued)

Time passes and we have a bond closer than ever,, we've even taken some trips out to see each other,, but like always when I think things are good between us,, something goes wrong. This go was something I just wasn't expecting. I'll admit this particular incident still bothers me and it really makes me feel like I should've left a long time ago,, but yet I'm still here.....

So that is where I left off in my last post. I must say since then nothing much has changed,, but I'll fill you in anyway....

I get a call one day. Just laying in bed watching a Snapped marathon and he calls. I notice he has a nervous tone in his voice,, but I shake it off thinking it may be something going on at work. We talk about a few things and then he starts to get to the point of his call....

Him: do you really have feelings for me?
Me: yes
Him: Hypothetically speaking what if I told you I had another child?
Me: That would depend on if it was before me or after me,, but it sounds like you're trying to tell me something.
Him: (silence......)
Me: Are you saying you have another kid??? Don't lie to me!!!!
Him: .........yeah,, but it was before I met you. I just been trying to figure out how to tell you....

I haven't really gotten over the whole baby thing,, However I did meet the baby. I was apprehensive , but the way he looked at me with those big brown eyes I felt so bad for....dare I say it...."hating" him. The mom hates me tho. She's one of those "if we cant be in a relationship,, you can't see your child" type of bitch,, just plain ole petty and ignorant. The sad part is her family is just as bad.

 I try to walk away but he keeps acting like he's gonna fight for this to work out. I say I'm done and I don't want to do this anymore and he reassures me he's gonna do better by me and he's gonna change and he's ready for a real relationship with me. Buthten nothing happens after that. I don't get it why keep me hanging on????? I mean do you really want me or are you just hanging on to me until "the one" comes along?????

I'll admit at first it was about having a title,, you know being called his "girlfriend",, but now it waaaaay past that. I'm at the point of "why are we doing this????" we have NO  boundaries,, well let me rephrase that....HE has no boundaries,, I do. Then this whole baby situation makes it worse!!!! Like,, why are you keeping me around?????

Ugh!!!! I'm so confused..... Am I a SIDECHICK???? Am I the one he wants????  Am I what he needs??????

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